Life-Changing Marriage
Written by: Frieda Dowler
“A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.” Ecc. 4:12 NLT.
Bruce and I recently had the privilege of keeping our two granddaughters for 3 days during their spring vacation. At ages 6 and 8, they stay busy all the time! But we had plenty planned so they wouldn’t get “bored”. We played our made-up game of “hide the key”, the card game of Uno, crafted a surprise for mom and dad when they returned, and lots of other silly things. They reminded us of how to play, too.
Our youngest son and his wife trusted us with their most treasured possessions, their daughters. We were honored as they flew off to a tropical paradise. It was all a part of what our son calls their 2-2-2 plan. Every two weeks, they have a date night, every two months an overnight, and every two years a vacation together without their daughters. This is time they set apart to reconnect, disengage from family life, and remember how to honor and respect each other.
They know it’s easy to get caught up in doing family life. There are jobs, school, and planned activities, leaving little time to catch up with each other. They value their relationship. And relationships require time to nurture. They don’t happen automatically and they don’t keep unless you put into them.
After their daughters leave the house to build lives of their own, our daughter-in-law and son will be left without the craziness that comes with kids. And because of their 2-2-2 plan, they will have built a relationship that will last so they can enjoy times with their grandchildren like we just did.
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Forty-five years ago, I had an epiphany about marriage. I discovered that marriage was not to satisfy or benefit me solely. Although, marriage does include benefits for me. My thoughts turned from my desires to God’s desires. Marriage is about God and the rescue message He has for a world that needs Him.
When I was twenty-six, I was ready to take the next step in my life; to build a marriage and a family. Things were in order in my life. Following college, I pursued a career, and I also pursued a permanent relationship with God. When I began to contemplate the reasons for marriage, they were self-focused: the love of another person toward me, the solid foundation for children, and so I wouldn’t grow old alone. All good reasons.
But my epiphany came when I looked outside of myself and realized God’s greater scheme. We are part of something bigger than ourselves. We are a part of God’s plan to redeem his people. It dawned on me that two together are stronger than one alone when it comes to serving God and promoting his good news on earth.
I began to look toward marriage with fresh eyes. I opened my heart to what God wanted rather than checking only the boxes that would satisfy me. I’m glad I did or I would have missed my best life partner. Not that everything’s been rosy, but we’ve always both pursued God. When one is down, the other lends support, and vice versa.
The cultures of our world are not God-focused, they are self-focused. The best way marriage can survive this culture is to have a God-focus. God planned marriage and family for us to be able to understand spiritual principles. We understand God’s love for us through the love we have for our children. We understand Christ’s love for his church through the marriage relationship. The church is referred to as the bride of Christ. As God’s people, we are to remain faithful as in a marriage relationship. A solid marriage gives strength throughout life, and when God is in the center, He is the triple-braided cord that is impossible to break. This is the marriage God wants us to have. And this is the church God wants us to be. Because this church will change the world.
Like our son and his wife take time to nurture their personal relationship with each other, we should take time to nurture our relationship with God. And when we have the strength of relationship with our spouse, we can stand together against the enemy who is out to destroy personal relationships with each other, with families, and with God. Rather than going with the flow of the culture, we should choose to strengthen our marriage with God at the center. Then we can stand strong for God’s kingdom on earth.
“No longer two, they become ‘one flesh’. This is a huge mystery, and I don’t pretend to understand it all. What is clearest to me is the way Christ treats the church. And this provides a good picture of how each husband is to treat his wife, loving himself in loving her, and how each wife is to honor her husband.” Eph. 5: 31 - 33. The Message.