Expectations

Written By: Margie Davis

Several years ago, a close “girl group” I was involved in were discussing Christmas gift giving and one girl said that she just couldn’t afford to exchange gifts with us that year. We decided to get together for lunch and just enjoy each other’s company! We all agreed that time together was our favorite thing anyway, so I really looked forward to it!

Imagine my horror when I was the only one of us who showed up without gifts! I’m still a little traumatized by it and always have an “emergency gift” at the ready! HA!

I had VERY clear expectations that day and I was hurt (and a little miffed) that the other two didn’t live up to them. It was hard to move past it because, though their intentions were good, I felt awful. I WANTED to give them gifts, but I was respecting the feelings of the girl who was struggling that year.

On Sunday, Evan explored how certain relationships can destroy our peace, especially at Christmas time and I would say that unmet expectations are at the root of at least some of this disharmony!

Unfortunately, the expectations we place on others are sometimes too much for them to handle. Or worse yet, they don’t even know that we have those expectations until they fail to meet them! This happens in marriage all the time! You get married with stars in your eyes and your spouse gets blindsided two years into the marriage when you have harbored irritation about things you’ve let slowly build until you erupt like a powder keg!

Rick and I have an incident from the early days of our marriage that we call “the milk glass episode.” We had dated for 3 years before marrying and he made dating a lot of fun! I couldn’t wait to repay those years of effort by showing him what a great wife I could be!

The first few weeks of marriage, I would come home from work and set about making dinner. I prided myself on making my husband glad he had an excellent wife like me to come home to, so I tried to anticipate when he wanted “more of” something and would jump up and get it before he could!

Rick expected that I would continue to do that and was very confused when I got mad because he finished his milk and edged his glass toward me for a refill! We laugh about it now, but I promise you, the tension was thick at the dinner table that night!

Managing our expectations is especially difficult at Christmastime, isn’t it? Shall we take a stroll through Instagram or Pinterest? “Why wasn’t I invited to that party?” “I can’t believe how short her dress is.” “How in the world did she have the time to make all that food and set such a beautiful table?” “How can they afford all that?!” If you want to feel like you’re not measuring up to expectations, that’s the place to go! If you are constantly comparing yourself to others or criticizing them, then peace will surely elude you this Christmas season. But it’s not too late. You still have time to find Him in the hustle and bustle. And He knows you’ve been struggling to get back to Him.

Let’s just strip it all down and go back to that dirty little stable more than 2,000 years ago. Oh, the expectation of that miraculous night! There had been silence for 400 years and hope was slipping away. Everyone was looking for salvation in all the wrong places. And then He came. And He was perfect. But He was NOT what they expected. Isaiah 53:2 says, “He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.”

Take a breath. Remember that what you’re looking for isn’t on Instagram. It isn’t found in the most expensive gift, the most epic Christmas party or the perfectly decorated house. Only our Prince holds the peace you seek.

And He will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of PEACE. Isaiah 9:6

Come, Thou long-expected Jesus
Born to set Thy people free
From our fears and sins release us
Let us find our rest in Thee