Do the Hard Work

Written by: April Mills

We all know relationships can be tough. They are a roller coaster traveling through the ups and downs of life. One moment you are coasting and enjoying the ride, and the next, you are clutching the handrail for dear life as you plummet down the hill.

Whether it is a friendship, marriage, or a familial relationship, it takes work. I often think of relationship like a garden. I know this paints a cheesy Hallmark picture, but stay with me for a minute. To keep the garden thriving, it takes intention. It takes time to cultivate in order to yield the desired result. You have to prepare the soil, plant, water and most importantly, weed the garden. You have to protect the garden. This is where we tend to lack. We allow the weed of offense to enter our hearts and instead of promptly plucking it out, we nurture it and allow it to grow.

Dysfunction: living by what is familiar instead of what is biblical.

I heard Josh speak this and it hit me square in my spiritual gut. How many times do we stay rooted in our hurt and offense? How many times do we stand in our corner, declaring we are right, and refuse to move an inch? How frequently do we choose to nurture that offense instead of acting in a biblical manner?

Reconciliation and resolution require humility, vulnerability, and sacrifice. And let’s face it, it feels good to our flesh to stay mad. It feels better to our pride to sit and gossip with the girlfriends about our “terrible” husbands and laugh at their expense. It feels validating to complain your wife while watching the game with the guys. It feels good to have people on our side and to agree with our suffering. You see, that type of behavior feeds our rebellion and ego. It feels validating when we run through the laundry list of our spouse’s flaws and hear murmurs of agreements. It fuels our anger, and justifies our stubbornness in not reconciling. I have to ask you-is that would Jesus do? Let me take it a step further, does your behavior honor King Jesus?

Short answer? No. No, it’s doesn’t honor Christ. It’s doesn’t honor Christ to expose your spouses struggles, faults and failures with the ladies or guys at lunch. It’s doesn’t honor the suffering and sacrifice of Christ to hold anger in your heart and stay in your corner, mad and unforgiving. See, all that is familiar. That’s our go to response. Let’s break the cycle and do something biblical. Jesus is our ultimate guide and example for everything. If you can’t imagine Jesus doing it, then I wouldn’t do it either. If Jesus would meet that person in love and with a spirit of resolution, then that’s the way I would go.

Can I be bold and say this to you plainly in love? Do the hard work. It’s easy to sit in your grievances and hold onto hurt. Do the hard work, and do the biblical work. Pull the weeds and tend to the garden. It’s time to get your hands dirty and rip out what doesn’t belong. It’s your job as the gardener.

We should aim to live a life that honors the cross and the man who took our place on that cross. Your feelings may indeed be justified. Sacrificing your offense will propel you out of your corner toward peace, and that honors Jesus. Having a spirit to protect the relationship against all weeds and predators’ honors Jesus. Being humble of heart, gentle and not boastful, honors good King Jesus. In reality, all things pale in comparison to the cross. Our feelings, our pride, our justifications all pale in comparison to the cross.

I have a saying I use when my girls face a conflict with another person: Go be a peacemaker. They give me a list of all the reasons why they are justified, how they have been wronged, and why they are entitled to be mad. And they may be 100% percent justified in those feelings. However, we are not ruled by our feelings. As Jesus followers, we are ruled by our Savior and His precious word. Freely we have received, freely we should give.

Do the hard work. Go be a peacemaker.